Surreal.

1.01AM

Now that I think about it, Singapore was an eventful year. Even if it was being there for just a year changed me immensely. It doesn't matter who you are, if our paths crossed, I just want you all to know that you're part of a maturing stage for me and I am truly grateful to have you all in it. Over the whole chapter of my life in Singapore, I was able to earn friends, knowledge, experience amongst other things. Whether you've walked into my life and left nothing but vague imprints and memories or whether its the ones that stayed with me since the start, you're all part of me.

All the friends I've made through the year, I know that I could be a pain in the ass sometimes but thank you for putting up with me. I know this letter is long overdue but something finally knocked some sense into this incoherent mind of mine to finally write to you all.

The dungeon people, you know who you are, thank you for always bringing liveliness into the room, for always motivating me with work and for always putting so much effort into helping me through hard times.

The snails, you are the ones that started out with me and thank you for always always always cheering me up on a bad day. You're all very precious to me and you've literally stuck with me since the start and I dont know how to express this gratitude of mine.

Fashion people, ya'll rock. Some I know since the start, some later but nevertheless, you're all fucking special to me. Though we sometime spend time separately because ya'll doing your sewing and shit, you're all fucking talented to me.

#BMcrew, though we've only been able to get together for a sem, ya'll were supposed to be my future classmates. I was supposed to do the meaningless fake news with ya'll and help ya'll with your vine videos and shit. Sorry for not being there as promised and sorry I couldn't continue down the journey with you all. But please know that you all are amazing and even if it was just a term ya'll really made me feel welcomed and blessed to be part of the #BMcrew. Remember our VJ performance at Homeclub? It was amazing, first time showcasing our talent to the rest of the student body and all the guests, ya'll were nervous as fuck and the time we used to prepare.

And the zouk partner in crime! Ya'll really changed me the most. From a non-party-go-er to a twice-a-week-at-least party person. It was great being introduced to the crowd and I couldn't believe all those times we spent together until 5am in the morning trying to get home and the cab line is just fucking crazy. Remember when we're like fuck this shit and walked all the way to like idk where? Good times.

Theres one friend that I'd really like to thank. Sticking with me since day-1, and I wouldn't have survived first year without her. This is long overdue, as I've said but I wasn't able to show my gratitude towards her enough. She's helped me through the hardest times and she's the only one who showed various acts of selflessness towards not just me but everyone around her. Liking the same thing to even looking almost identical, I think this is what God has planned for us. So thank you so very much for being such a nice person and I'm sorry you have to deal with my attitude and moodswings sometimes but you held it all together so thank you. You're so strong, so talented, and so amazing so please know that wherever you go, you'll succeed. I'm truly grateful to have met you, out of all people. I'm thankful God gave me a chance to get to know you and be your friend and I'm sorry we're not together at the moment but I'll find a time to visit you soon!! I'll work hard towards my future and I want to be the same pillar of strength you lean on for support when you're tired, I want to be the same as you are to me.

My time in Singapore might have come to an end but the people that mattered most to me will always stay with me no matter what. You're all amazing people and you're all blessed to have come together in one small place. I'm truly blessed to have been able to go through the blood-shedding experience with you all and for what its worth, you all will be the shape of the future. I'll look back at this chapter of my life and realize that I was truly blessed to be able to mature in such a place with you people. Thank you for making my life an eventful ride and thank you for letting me learn how to love.

I hope one day we cross paths again, and when that day comes, I want to be able to say "You've come such a long way, I'm so proud of you!" 0 comments

She had a choice to make.

But she chose to stay vulnerable.

She had to choose, whether she wanted to pick herself up from the ruins or stay there and wallow in the fact that she had her world turn upside down on her. The world she once thought was a magical place, the world she though she had fully grasped onto. The world where she wasn't constantly sympathizing herself for being the coward she truly is.

She built that wall, that cloak she hid behind to save herself from the evil that was lurking inside her heart. Someone told her that there was two wolves inside all of us, the wolf that survives was the wolf that you choose to feed. She couldn't tell them apart, honestly. She had to choose one, whichever one it is she picked she felt like it was destined to be.

She picked the gentle one. She nurtured it inside of her, she fed it, trained it, kept the future in foresight. She only had one secret, she also fed the wild wolf. It was prying for her attention and she couldn't turn it away. The temptation multiplied day by day, and before she knew it the gentle wolf was crying, starving. She overlooked the compassion the gentle wolf had, she was tempted by the greed and hunger and the presents the dark wolf was presenting her. And before she knew it, she had mutilated the dark wolf into a hybrid of herself.

The gentle wolf didn't die, though. It found a way to survive in the depths of the forest inside of her. It knew that one day she will return to care and nurture it like before. It had hope. Years may have passed but it was forgiving, it turned a blind eye and hold onto the memory of how happy it was when it was given the love.

Stronger and stronger the dark wolf became, it claimed territories around the organs. When it finally made its way to the heart, it battled it out with the gentle wolf. Howling, barking, ripping it's teeth through the gentle wolf's neck it devoured the neck whole.

The gentle wolf died. Leaving nothing but the scars at battle and the heart that was once filled with remorse and feelings dissipated. The leaves that were brimming with life withered and died. The skies fogged. The whole world that was once whole-heartedly tender and affectionate reformed and was tarnished, leaving nothing but ruins and ashes.

Her life turned up side down and she had a new identity.

Her feelings were emptied out, and slowly she was numb. She couldn't feel the world around her, she knew she still could breathe and comprehend the things around her but nothing was coherent enough for her to process. Her families and friends said she'd change into something they can't recognize anymore. But she knew what she turned into, a monster.

She never killed people, she never did anything to physically hurt people but herself. She couldn't understand herself either.

She lies, she cheats, she takes advantage of the people around her. That's what she does best. She knew what she's becoming is nothing of light but rather it has everything to do with darkness. Breaking the trust of the people closest to her, been there done that. Taking advantage of the people she knew was genuine to her, check.

So now she wallows. She hides and cuts all communication with the people that cares for her. She knew she couldn't open up to them because they'll just figure out that she's becoming a monster and she didn't want that. They hated her enough already and theres no need for anymore of that. Tired, that's what she was. Running away from all the lies she's created, having to keep up with all of them. She's tired of digging. She wanted to disappear.

Imagine how good it will be if she could just start over with a clean slate, a place where nobody knew her and a place where she could be anyone she wanted to be. Or she could just really disappear, into the abyss of hell.

But her cowardliness was the dividing factor that was stopping her. She was scared.

Time after time, her conscious was telling her that it was her fault that the people she "love" was in pain and time after time she wanted to set them free. She knew it was the right thing to do but what can she do if she was too scared to venture out there on her own?

How do you re-write a story that's already been carved in the walls? She had a choice to make and she chose to stay vulnerable to the seductive darkness and she had to pay for it. She had already sold her soul to satan and she has to make it up for the rest of her life. It's not too late for you to feed the gentle wolf, my dear. 0 comments